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Carbine Dev incentives - Send to the Devs, gifts ideas

Discussion in 'WildStar General' started by Maddog Charlie, Sep 1, 2012.

  1. Maddog Charlie

    Maddog Charlie Cupcake-About-Town

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    So I know this is a little off line of the usual topics but figured it would fit here,

    Question - With Wildstar possibly having maybe only 6 to 12 months left until the guesstimated Beta Launch. What would you send to the Dev team to motivate and invigorate them through to the pre-launch stage?

    If you cant think of anything, just look in your closet or office drawer and pick something.

    I have a half eaten pack of Jelly Babies (candies in the shape of small children, those mad English hey!) and a fresh pack of 4-cheese Captains Crackers that I would send

    or,

    My 'Strategic Advanced Management Plan' would include the following modifications and changes at Carbine studios.

    Per the plan below many of the offices would be merged or eliminated so the empty space could become barrack like rooms for sleeping. No one would need their cars anymore so a heap of funds could be generated by selling them (Except that one Dev (forgot their name) would probably have to pay someone to tow that car !). Free pets would be provided to those that didn't already have them to minimize downtime and maximize relaxation breaks.

    Devs - In recognition for their 12 hour shifts and living at the office they would have limitless free coffee (with minimum 8 sugars in each drink), Energy drinks, coffee flavored candy, any music they needed (so long as its loud and fast), coffee flavored sandwiches and huge buckets of chocolate covered coffee beans. Likely they would be awarded cats as I am led to believe they tend towards the furry things.

    Artists - For the extended efforts and long shifts they should be allowed free herbal stuff (I'm not big on the herbal things and the like), lots of candles of course, spiritual type music, plenty of a variety of teas, paper and pens (of course !) and likely free haircuts (as most artist types I've seen need one !). The pet allowance for Artists should include pretty much anything they like and need to keep working, but no Zoo stuff.

    Social Media / Community people - They would be moved to the basement into a large spa like tub where they could float while FaceBook, Twitter and all those things are wired directly into their brains so they didn't miss a thing. (Kind of like the Movie, 'The Minority Report' style). No more of that walking around time-wasting. Normal pets would be a problem because of the Spa tub so likely have some hummingbirds flying in and out.

    Middle management - I'm never exactly sure what they do, what.......oh,.... I'm told they motivate ! so to sharpen their skills they would be sent on a 4 week intensive survival course on Baffin Island in the Arctic (Highest population of Polar Bears and a harsh environment) any that didn't survive would face disciplinary action. Back at work they should be issued angry Badgers to assist them with their motivation work.

    Executive management - Obviously would need to go on the same motivational survival course but due to budgetary constraints and last minute complications the location should change to Hawaii and replace the word 'survival' with golf. They should be allowed one gorilla each, unless of course Middle Management staff already meets that need in the workplace.

    Cleaning and maintenance staff - should receive a substantial pay raise to compensate for the utter Chaos and large amount of animal waste that would be present in the workplace.

    Aside from a few fire code violations and likely a couple of lawsuits the above should 'Maximize' productivity through to Beta Launch.:)
  2. Billco

    Billco Cupcake-About-Town

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    hah excellent read. I particularly liked the Minority Report idea ;) if not a little creepy...

    Although you did forget that ALL STAFF would be required to plug themselves into the matrix at all times, thereby not only would they be able to continue to work, but they would also keep the servers powered for free :)
  3. Maddog Charlie

    Maddog Charlie Cupcake-About-Town

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    Excellent idea Billco, we could give them something like hamster wheels too, with them loaded with coffee and sugary stuff we should be able to get at least 100KWh of power back into the grid. The nearest Starbucks is 2000ft away from their office so we could use that to power a Coffee Conveyor belt for a constant supply, environmentally it all makes sense to me LOL :roflamo:
  4. Black Wolf

    Black Wolf Super Cupcake

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    They serve coffee there? Always thought it was something like black goo. At least it tastes like that! :D
  5. Maddog Charlie

    Maddog Charlie Cupcake-About-Town

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    Too right Black Wolf :laugh: but strategically the preservatives and stuff in it will maybe give us more years of expansions for Wildstar from the Devs :)
  6. Kirathis

    Kirathis Cupcake-About-Town

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    When Starbucks actually learns what coffee is our world will officially come to an end.

    Thanks for the laughs Maddog Charlie!
  7. Scooter

    Scooter Carbine Studios

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    You had me at tub.
  8. Maddog Charlie

    Maddog Charlie Cupcake-About-Town

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    LOL
  9. Jason Sweeney

    Jason Sweeney New Cupcake

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    We can wire the controls for a mechanical arm directly into a monkey's brain now... so that it can think and perform tasks in the physical world.

    I propose we offer up 'conversion' for community moderators so they can respond to requests at the speed of thought, thus freeing up their hands for more useful things like drinking coffee, server maintenance, or whatever it is that they might do when they wouldn't be answering petitions.

    OF course, that means lots of prozac, too... or perhaps gift wrapped trolls they could perfect their anger management on.

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