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Song Professor Everett, The Demon Scientist of Sweet Street

Discussion in 'WildStar Fan Creations' started by Patrician, Jun 2, 2013.

  1. Patrician

    Patrician "That" Cupcake

    Joined:
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    Land of the Danes, for now
    Inspired by Fenwick's idea that some day Basil (my planned main character) and Riya (Ender's planned main character) should open up a coffee shop that lures Dominion in now and then for "experiments," I present to you:

    A Cup-A-gent

    Sung to the tune of "A Little Priest" from Sweeny Todd



    MS. RIYA TRILLSPRING:
    That's all very well, but what we gonna do about him? *gestures upstairs*

    PROFESSOR BASIL EVERETT:
    Later on when dark, remove used corpse to some secret Eldan burial ground.

    RIYA:
    Oh yeah. Of course we could do that, sugar. I don't 'spose he's got any relatives gonna come pokin' 'round lookin' for him.

    (Riya gets an idea)

    Seems a downright shame...

    BASIL:
    Shame?

    RIYA:
    Seems an awful waste...
    Such a juicy frame
    Wot's 'is name has...
    Had...
    Has
    Nor it can't be traced...
    Bus'ness needs a lift,
    Debts to be erased...
    Think of it as thrift,
    As a gift,
    If you get my drift

    Seems an awful waste...
    I mean, with the price of beans
    What it is,
    When you get it,
    If you get it...

    BASIL:
    Ah!

    RIYA:
    Good, you got it!

    Take, for instance, Mr. Sedgewick and his bistro!
    Bus'ness never better using just pumera packs and toast!
    Now pumera’s good for maybe six or seven at the most!
    And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste!

    (Simultaneously)

    BASIL:
    Oh Miss Trillspring, what a charming notion

    RIYA:
    Well, it does seem a waste...

    BASIL:
    Eminently practical
    And yet appropriate as always!

    RIYA:
    Think about it...

    BASIL:
    Oh Miss Trillspring, how One’s lived
    Without you all these years, Just never know!
    How delectable!
    Also undetectable!

    RIYA:
    Lots of other gentlemen'll
    Soon be comin' for a pot,
    Won't they?
    Think of
    All them
    Cups!

    BASIL:
    How choice!
    How
    Rare!

    For what's the sound in Nexus out there?

    RIYA:
    What, Rocket, dear?
    What, Rocket, dear?
    What is that sound?

    BASIL:
    Those slurping noises pervading the air!

    RIYA:
    Yes, Rocket, dear!
    Yes, Rocket, dear!
    Yes, all around!

    BASIL:
    It’s DUMB-minion drinking up, my dear!

    BOTH:
    And/Then who are we to deny it in here?

    BASIL:
    (spoken) These are desperate times for us Exiles,
    Miss Trillspring, and desperate measures are called for!

    RIYA:
    Here we are, now! Fresh out of the pot!

    BASIL:
    What is that?

    RIYA::
    A-gent. Have a Cup, a-gent.

    BASIL:
    Is it really smooth?

    RIYA:
    Sir, it's so smooth, it went:
    “Hello Lady, would you like coffee for two?”
    And it sees things through

    BASIL:
    Awful lot of sweet.

    RIYA:
    And fast on its feet.

    BASIL:
    Haven't you got soldier, or something more street?

    RIYA:
    No, y'see, the trouble with soldier,
    Once drunk, it's like Folgers, and spent!
    Try, a-gent!

    Explorer's rather bold.

    BASIL:
    Already been sold.

    RIYA:
    Prob’ly best, Explorer will find you
    Lost with-out a map if it’s cold

    BASIL:
    Now I’m feeling torn.

    RIYA:
    Well, then, if you're Cassian and loyal,
    You might enjoy Royal Highborn!
    Latte is reborn!

    Might be quite expensive but no one will mourn!

    BASIL:
    Is that Chua, with kahlua?

    RIYA:
    Mercy no, sir, get crackin’,
    You'll notice it's Draken!

    BASIL:
    Looks thicker,
    Chua liquor?

    RIYA:
    No, it’s Draken! It blows it’s --
    (whispers playfully) Own horn!

    (they laugh)

    BASIL:
    The science of this new world, my love --

    RIYA:
    Save a lot of graves,
    Do a lot of I.C.I. favors!

    BASIL:
    Is those below serving those up above!

    RIYA:
    Ev'rybody drinks,
    So there should be plenty of flavors!

    BASIL:
    How gratifying for once to dream

    BOTH:
    That all Dominion go down well with cream


    RIYA:
    Lovely noble roast.

    BASIL::
    Maybe with some toast.

    RIYA::
    Heat up all the tanks
    Warriors in ranks
    And you want the most!

    Try this whole platoon,
    Amaretto, swoon!

    BASIL::
    That seems like a lot.

    RIYA::
    Well, it’s hot,
    Off the pot
    Sip soon.

    Flavor rich and bold.
    Marching to be sold.

    BASIL::
    Got Dominion Settler?

    RIYA::
    Next week, so I'm told!

    Settler isn't bad till you taste it and
    Notice in haste it wants rent...
    Drink, a-gent!

    (spoken) Now then, this might be a little bit gritty,
    but then of course it's... trench digger!

    BASIL:: No, this isn't trench digger -- it's Redgrave Flavor!

    RIYA:: How can you tell?

    BASIL:: It's too thick and disagrees with me!

    (Both laugh)

    BASIL::
    The history of Nex-us, my sweet --

    RIYA::
    Oh yes, oh Rocket,
    Oh yes, oh Rocket,
    What does it tell?

    BASIL::
    Is who gets roasted, and who gets to toast!

    RIYA::
    And, my Professor,
    Too, my Professor,
    Who gets to sell!

    BASIL::
    But fortunately, we all can see

    BOTH:
    That coffee clearly is better than tea!



    BASIL:
    What is that?

    RIYA:
    Born-low.
    This one is to go.
    Sadly he did not have the bloodline
    But makes a fine cap-puc-cin-o

    And The rarest breed --
    Here's a Luminai, it’s so bitter
    It sparkles and glitters,
    Take heed!

    BASIL:
    Sipped before we feed.
    Well of course we know that it’s chosen to lead!

    RIYA:
    Try the Cassian,
    Spiced with passion!

    BASIL:
    The Mechari was waiting
    He’s now percolating

    RIYA:
    Or Professor,
    Never lessor!

    BASIL:
    No, for SCIENCE has already won!
    (shouted) The samples we burn through willl make quite a fresh brew!

    (singing) We've cornered the market on Nexus, Aurin!

    RIYA:
    Yes, yes, I know, Rock-et!

    BASIL:
    We’ll serve the cream of the great Do-min-ion.

    RIYA:
    High-born and low, Rock-et!

    BASIL:
    We'll not discriminate great from small!
    No, we'll pour anyone,
    Meaning anyone (RIYA: sings "we'll pour anyone")

    BOTH:
    And to anyone
    AT AAAAAAAAAAAALL!

    [​IMG]

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